It’s in us all. Some more than others.
Usually, the younger we are the more selfish we are. Not necessarily so, but often.
And as we grow older and have families of our own, our selfishness seems to fade into the background as we embrace taking care of others. I struggle with this. On the outside, sure, I appear to be just another selfless martyr mom that gives up ladies’ days out, late nights with friends and pedicures on a whim, but deep down there is a selfish prick that just wants to be left the f*ck alone sometimes.
Most healthy human beings are selfish, or shall I say “self absorbed”. It’s innate because survival is the most important thing, and we will do almost anything to stay alive (assuming we are content with our lives). So, even when we push all that selfishness down into the pit of our souls underneath the rubbish of daily life, it’s still there waiting for it’s moment to peek its ugly head out and return.
…we all need days to be selfish. Days to recover from being bombarded by the ones we love and care for on a daily (or hourly) basis. It’s ok to recover. It’s ok to take a breather. It’s ok to reclaim your selfishness for a little while and be who you are without worrying about who you’re hurting. Chances are, no one is hurting and you are worried for nothing. That’s your martyrdom talking.
So, to be unselfish most of the time — we must be selfish some of the time. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.
So whatever it is that you claim is making you so selfish (i.e. writing, taking a hot bath, doing your favorite hobby, cooking, playing a solitary game, reading, etc.), do that. And do it well. Release your worries while you’re doing it and just be inherently you for a little while. Bask in your you-ness. You deserve it. Because if you are never you, you are really no one except for a robot caring for others. Your “others” need you to be who you are, because your uniqueness makes you richer. It makes you a lovely human being.
I just took my moment of selfishness to write this post. I feel better now. Now I can go back to being a martyr.